It’s that time again – time for the next book giveaway! This month’s book is Financial Infidelity:Seven Steps to Conquering the #1 Relationship Wrecker, by Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil. While I think that the title is pretty self-explanatory, I wanted to give you guys an insight into Dr. Weil, so I asked her to write an article about traits that we are still carrying around from our parents, and how they affect our relationships today. Beneath the article you will find the info about the book giveaway!
By: Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil
“Imago” is a term that references the unconscious image you’ve created which defines the type of partner you’re looking for. Coined by Harville Hendrix, the term is the Latin word for “image.” This “imago” is often deeply tied into the type of people your parents were. Subconsciously, you’re looking for someone that will “fill in the holes” left by your experience growing up and your parents ““ or to adults who were formative in your childhood ““ and you’ll be attracted to these traits right away on a subconscious level. (You know the old saying, opposites attract!) What you won’t always see are how these traits will become points of contention in your relationship..
The good qualities will be attractive to you, but after awhile, the not-so-good qualities will start to emerge, and this will likely be where you and your partner clash.
This same principle can be applied to finances in a relationship: ideas about money that you’re carrying around from your parents and from your childhood WILL affect your relationship ““ but you have control over HOW they affect it. You will likely be drawn to someone who can fulfill the positive parts of your “imago,” as well as compensate for the areas where you have “holes” – where you have unfinished childhood business.
While you will always carry around your family money history, the things that trigger conflict about money are equally important. As you transition through life changes with your significant other, a big part of making that transition successfully comes from the way you deal with financial stressors as a couple. In order to do this, you have to understand the ways you’re both prone to deal with money ““ and you have to have a road map for how you WANT to deal with money.
Depending on your stage in life, and your stage in the relationship, there are crucial questions you need to answer. How do you feel about debt? How much debt do you have? Are you a risk-taker or are you risk-averse? Will the kids go to private school? Will we fund their college education in its entirety? Who will pay when we go out? How often will we go out and how often will we eat in?
Of course, these are only a few, sample questions to touch on before you head into significant life changes, but they are a good place to start. Many times you many not even know how to answer those questions yourself, much less how you will answer them as a couple. And just as often, you will have a knee-jerk reaction as to how to answer them that may be completely opposite from your partners. It’s always best to get those reactions out in the open before you find yourself “in the heat of battle!”
Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil has been an internationally acclaimed relationship therapist for thirty years. New York magazine named her one of the city’s top therapists and Psychology Today named her one of America’s best therapists. Her most recent book, Financial Infidelity, is available on her site, http://www.docbon.com/.
And now, time for the giveaway information. As always, you must be subscribed to My Two Dollars by RSS Feed or Email to get the entry code. You will find this code at the bottom of the feed, and you need to email that to me to be entered. This contest starts today, June 4th and will run until June 11th at 11:59 PST. The winner will be chosen from random from all entries, and will be announced on June 12th. Good luck everyone!