My usual response is the same as Velvet’s, but if they press me on the issue, I respond with something like “okay, how about I donate x amount to your charity, and you match the amount by donating to mine?”

“I don’t have the money to give, but I support your cause and recognize that it’s important,” or

“I’ve already allocated all my extra cash to a particular cause [I don't say what it is because I don't want to get into an argument over which is more important] but I do support what your doing and recognize that it’s very important.”

It sounds hokey but it’s true. I live on a pretty tight budget. I understand their cause is important to them, however I’m unwilling to give money I don’t have for it. Especially if it’s something I’m not particularly passionate about. That said, I did make a small donation to the American Cancer Society in memory of a friend’s mother, as the family requested that in lieu of flowers. I would have sent flowers so it wasn’t like I wasn’t going to spend money anyway.

I like to focus most of my charitable giving on Clean water projects in Latin America, because its not high profile, I guess teaching people how not to poison their water table is just not as glamorous as donating to the disaster of the moment. Millions die every year because of it, but 3 people dying from SARS starts a worldwide panic.

I also do some traditional giving out of habit. Always throw change in the red kettle, a few bucks in the firefighter’s boot for MDA on Labor day weekend, its money I don’t really miss. I figure a little goes a long way.

I think its a good idea to budget for charity. Pick a few that you want to give to, but then, I also think you should set aside a certain amount for the “unexpected disaster” charity giving.

When I was working with the fundraising for the Latin American projects, we would ask for donations and people would say, “how can you worry about that when there was a tsunami, or a hurricane, or (insert disaster here).” If you give to the cancer society each year, you should not cut that donation to give to hurricaine relief.

As for people asking family members/friends to support their causes — well that is the basis for most charitable campaigns. They depend on it. You put a human face on it and people care. Its human nature.

Related sidenote: One of my coworkers recently solicited the ole’ “my son is selling this tasteless generic candy bar for $5 for his whatever…” – I really didn’t like having to make up an excuse for something I frankly wasn’t the least bit interested in participating in. I’ve never (and would never) solicit anything from anyone and especially not an acquaintance. Just me I guess. I don’t like salespeople in general and I don’t want to become one – especially if there’s an implicit guilt trip involved.

Barely related sidenote: Once I had this friend who became an Amway cult member. Everytime he would come by he was always trying to convert others to that illogical pyramid scam. He used to be well liked but after awhile everyone avoided him and warned others. It was a shame. Now, what you’re describing isn’t this extreme but solicitation is solicitation, be it cold call to the elderly or guilting your friend with your pet interest.

On the one hand, it’s not like the money will go directly to your friends or even benefit them since it will probably go to some sort of research or helping out other families. But how do you say no?

I think in that scenario, I probably wouldn’t consider not donating.

I do, however, stop answering my door this time of year, for the hoards of school children mobbing the streets with their books of overpriced wrapping paper and tasteless chocolates….

Maybe one of these days I’ll grow a spine….